An Amazing Day

Today was, quite simply put, amazing.
I got up this morning to get the kids ready for the day and take Leah to school.
The sun was shining beautifully.
I drop Leah off and come back home, finish getting everything ready so I can take Jacob, Emma and Hayley to arts and crafts class.
We all have awesome fun at arts and crafts making ocean pictures and jelly fish, singing songs and dancing.
It's time to go and I drop the girls off at daycare and go home to wait for my washing machine to be delivered after being fixed AGAIN. Jacob goes outside to play in the sunshine while I clean the house.
Sounds pretty boring at the moment I know, but wait.
At 2:15pm I decide I will leave for Leah's parent/teacher interview early. This will give me time to enrol Jacob for school and he can have a play. I get to the school, hand in the enrolment forms and still have 20 minutes to go. So Jacob has a play. I go to the interview, Jacob is VERY well behaved, and I am only there for 5 minutes. The teacher doesn't know what to say. Leah is perfect! There is no worries, no concerns, no problems. I must be doing something right :-)
And it's only 2:50. There is no point in going home. I might as well stay for the next 40 minutes, Jacob can play and wear off some energy.
Today though, I made a change. I didn't let my anxiety stand in my way. I relaxed, I enjoyed the moment.
I walked around the school with my son. I watched him playing, I observed the way the trees moved in the wind, I smelt the fresh grass in the breeze, I looked up to see a stunningly clear blue sky. I can't remember the last time I actually looked at the sky.
I took my time and I felt the world around me. For once, I didn't try to rush through it. I played with my son, we had a game of hide and seek and IT WAS FUN! OH so fun! I was actually LAUGHING!
Before I knew it the bell was ringing. There was Leah. In that instant, I made a decision. Today, I am going to brave the park on my own with my 4 young children. Me and 4 children aged 5,4,3 and (almost) 2.
I, myself, thought I must be crazy and honestly thought I was going to regret it.
It was some of the best fun I have had in my life! I joined in with my children playing, they chased me, while throwing the beautiful golden leaves that had fallen off all the oak trees, at me, while everyone was laughing hard.
I encouraged them to roll down muddy hills, to climb trees. I pushed them on the swings and went down the slides.
And you know what, I didn't have to yell, I didn't have to tell anyone off. There was no arguing, no fighting. It was just pure fun.
When I said it was time to go home they all went, 'aawww' but came home! Straight away! No arguments!
We got home, I made dinner, we ate, everyone got their PJ's on and we watched Hook while I folded the washing.
Once again, there was no fighting, no arguing, no screaming, no crying, nothing. Everyone just had a good time. Everyone was happy. I was happy.
Now, I know this may not seem like a big deal to some people, but for me it is.
I have been suffering anxiety since April last year, along with it, a mild depression. My anxiety makes me stop before I run around, before I go places. My main anxiety symptom is shortness of breath. So any time I create shortness of breath in myself, my mind triggers it as anxiety. Running triggers anxiety, walking up stairs or hills can.
Today, I ran, I laughed, I walked up hills and I had but a fleeting thought for my anxiety. The anxiety that has caused me so much pain emotionally. That made me withdraw completely into myself at one stage is now, more often than not, just a fleeting thought. I still have my bad days but mostly they are good. And today was proof of that.
Another thing I was really proud of today, my children. They were so cooperative. My oldest daughter didn't give me one bit of lip. My son, in particular, I was proud of. He has Aspergers Syndrome, an Autistic Spectrum Disorder and because of this he can be difficult. Today, he not only listened, he did what he was asked WHEN he was asked and WITHOUT argument. I said it was time to leave, he said he didn't want to but he came with me anyway. I was so happy and proud of him. My younger 2 girls, they were beautiful. There were no tantrums.
So today was amazing. My kids were amazing, I was amazing.
Today I am a proud mumma. Proud of my kids and proud of myself.